night falls

Night falls

so I take speed and go to the gym.

The room is a mess

a static equilibrium.

Gold hairs jaunt across my forehead

nobody around to see it;

white teeth a shocking shade of clean,

no one around to taste them.

Back in this room

there are white walls

not four, but too many to count

and all this time

I’ve been like the autumn-fat squirrel

preparing for mock-death

saving for nothing.

And this room too small

to hold me this winter.

Finally on the verge of escape

but where to? how do I get there?

First thought-

a dead myth, knight in shining armor,

only keeps girls waiting

locked in salty honey traps.

Second thought-

to drink it off my mind

but that never worked

it only made it worse.

And it’s been such a comfortable life;

my nest has been feathered

my bottom has been patted

robed in luxurious civilization.

Just put in eight hours

with laughing faces

then come back to

wall-to-wall carpet

organic coffee and

fresh vegetables.

But it’s strangely unsatisfying, this life.

Suddenly the “I want” takes over

like a bee sting in the brain.

I want to scale mountains

I want to live in the desert

under a dry infinite sky

I want to stop eating

I want to drive to South America

covered with monster dragonflies

like Jack.

I want to shed this skin.

It’s all so contradictory,

every step unsure

a bear trap lies

just around all corners.

Last thought-

erase the “I want”

soothe the sting

of a million unfilled desires

to recognize the thought,

let it drift away-

a balloon, a train, a bird in flight.